Oh man has it been a minute! Okay maybe it's been a little longer than a minute but good grief I am back. When I started this blog, I set out to post every month or so and for a little while it worked. Then my old habit of not really wanting to form a new habit kicked in and I found myself not trying to make a new post every month. To be honest I also don't do very many interesting things all the time and I find myself reaching to find something to write about and sometimes I can't. Since it has been 2 months since my last post, I figured I have enough to talk about and can make a new post! A lot, for me, has happened since before the holidays so strap in and hold on.
The last time I made a post was before Thanksgiving and I think more has happened than what I first thought. The holidays this year were really weird. Turkey day has always been light and fun and pretty easy for me but this year I felt really heavy and found myself not wanting to be there. One of my mom's sisters has Parkinson's and this is the second round of holidays we have had without her there. She lives nearby where we usually gather for holiday dinners but because of Covid and how well she gets around now, she doesn't come anymore. It's been very weird and kind of hard not having her there. She had always been a main source of entertainment and it almost feels like she has passed even though she hasn't. Holidays have felt much different without her presence.
Along with that has been what I can only describe as an embarrassingly large slip in what I thought was my parents finally doing better. Now my parents, especially my father, have not always been the best at using my pronouns but after a year and a bit you would think that they would use my name at the very least. Over the course of three hours at Thanksgiving dinner, I not only heard my pronouns misused countless times but my father didn't use my correct name. A name that has been, for the larger part of my life, a nickname. Why not use it now? I didn't stay for desert and later that evening I was texting my sister when she said that it was brought up to my father and he was apparently apologetic about it. It has been two months now and I still haven't gotten an apology from him regarding that night.
December came and went along with many many hours spent in my shop building a massive dining room table, which was by far the biggest and most difficult thing I have ever built. I spent Christmas Eve delivering it and thankfully had several helping hands to help me deliver it. Without them I would not have been able to do it. It was a daunting challenge that kept me on my toes at each step and turned out so much better than I could've imagined. I haven't been in the shop very much since then, which has turned out to be a normal thing for me to do after a big build. I get physically and mentally drained from spending so much time and energy on one thing and need some space for a bit. I'm hoping to get back in there early next month.
Right before Christmas, my girlfriend and I had been exposed to someone that tested positive so it was a very low-key couple of days that had turned into two and a half weeks of nothing but lazy on my end. We made New Year's bingo squares ,all her idea from last year, and I've already started to work on some of them which feels super good. I'm sure I'll get back to a normal way of functioning but for now it seems a nearly impossible task to complete.
Along with the new year came a real chance for me to work towards who I've wanted to be for a couple years now. I got a new therapist and I absolutely LOVE her. I find her super easy to talk to and I'm really excited to see what happens! I'm currently working on why I don't correct people which I think will be a somewhat difficult thing to relearn. I started seeing her in early January and totally hit it off. I was super nervous about it because I had a bad experience with a therapist in late 2020 but I immediately felt comfortable with her. I also have hit 6 months on T which feels super exciting and almost liberating at times. I am so lucky to have the people in my life that I do and to also have access to affirming care.
I have a teeny tiny baby moustache which feels super cute and cool but I find myself feeling really insecure about it too? There are times when I feel uncomfortable being seen and I don't know why I feel like this. When I'm around certain people in my life, I become hyper aware of my little baby stache and my deeper voice and how it makes others feel. I don't really know why I tend to think more about how others feel rather than how I feel but I hope to work on that.
I'm also trying really hard to make some new friends and I hopefully have a couple people that it might work out with. Making friends has been really hard for me since high school for some reason and ever since Covid hit I really wanted to try and make new friends, but I found an app called Lex that is designed for queer people to meet other queer people and that's where I've met theses people. It's not perfect but it's really nice! I'm really hoping that these new connections I'm making do end up turning out because I feel really good about it.
So that's all for now. Sorry for the huge drop. I'm really trying my best to keep up with the site and add new things for all of you. This is a constant learning process but I absolutely love having this little thing out there for people to read and (hopefully) enjoy. Take care of yourselves!