New Year's Resolutions

*This is a trigger warning. I talk about hormones, top surgery, and needles.*


Let’s be honest, new year’s resolutions suck. We almost never actually do them and if you do you’re in the better part of the population. I, for one, haven’t completed a resolution in years. Not because I don’t try, well maybe partially, but more so because I chose things that are simply out of reach for myself. With that being said, I would also like to point out that I have a horrible track record when it comes to self growth. Sure I might accomplish things throughout the year but that doesn’t always mean I have tried to grow or change things I need to. Without further ado, let’s get into this list, shall we?


Coming in at number one is: Drink more water.

Okay this one is kind of pathetic, but I do have to say that I will gladly take care of others before doing anything for myself so it’s no wonder something so simple and easy would be at the top of my list. I really don’t drink enough water. I used to be a student athlete so you think I would care or pay attention to my water intake but it has been quite the opposite. The last time I played ball was 2018 and boy have the past 2.5 years done a number on me let me tell you. I used to be conditioned to drink water on the hour during practices and games. I must have had at least 40oz of water consistently, maybe not that much each day but I was consistently drinking water each day. Yes it is a bit different now because I don’t do nearly as much cardio compared to then but it is not healthy for someone to go without the proper amount of water needed daily, especially because there are some days I go without any water. Some foods naturally have water in them but for the sake of this I am only referring to bottled or tap water.

Next on my list is: Eat more food more regularly

Again this one might seem like a no brainer but eating 3 meals a day is a hard thing for me to do every day. I work in retail and I have a horrible habit of waking up too late or, to pair with it perfectly, going to bed too late. Not having a set schedule for sleeping can mess up your appetite and make you hungrier earlier or more hungry faster. As the title suggests I have problems with eating enough times a day along with eating enough per meal. Some time after I left college, I lost some of my appetite and I have no idea why that is. Some days I have to force myself to eat more because I don’t want to keep eating. I have a very fast metabolism and I really struggle with gaining and keeping weight on. It was easy enough before COVID and moving out didn’t make things easier. When I was in college, I had a meal plan and team dinners every other night and food was always around. I would love to know what the real reason for my loss of appetite is but either way I intend to find some growth this year.

Next up: Work out more often

Ah, the perfect trio. Wonderful. As I mentioned in my drink more water section I used to be a student athlete. This included 6am workouts 3 days a week during the fall, 2hr practices 6 days a week, plenty of time in the weight room, and during the spring 30+ games with practices 4 days a week. It’s safe to say I was in the best shape of my life. I could bench 135 and could easily squat 225. I felt good in a cut off and loved showing off what I worked hard for. Flash forward to 2020. I’m sitting on the couch for 5 weeks in March while I’m unemployed looking for jobs. I was briefly employed at a landscape center and started getting back to a good level of fit. Loading 15ft trees into trucks almost every day and unloading a 50ft truck full of trees twice a month definitely helped. When I finally got back to my normal job in June, I had reached a place I loved. I looked and felt good but I started falling back on workouts and started not eating well. 7 months later and I now find myself in a place I don’t like. I get physical activity, especially through my small business, but it isn’t nearly enough to keep up a physique. I currently have 4.5 months left on a membership for an online fitness program (I honestly loved it when I used it last year, I just got really lazy. If you’d like to know what the program is, contact me below) and I fully intend to get my money’s worth out of it.


*There is a trigger warning at the top of this page specifically for this category but I will remind anyone who might have forgotten that there is a trigger warning for top dysphoria and hormones as well as needles.*

And last but not least is: Start HRT

At the beginning of 2020, I came out to my girlfriend as non-binary. I didn’t know what this meant for me in a deeper sense until June, right before I came out to friends and family. Being gender non-conforming means different things for different folx. Not every person has the same journey or wants the same things. I never thought I would end up here, wanting to start hormones (for me it’s testosterone) or wanting top surgery (that’ a whole other discussion). These are hard things to talk about, yet alone do. I want to start taking hormones this year so that means I will need to get a doctor’s permission. For some this means your PCP or another doctor but it may also have to be approved by a therapist, only in some cases though. For me HRT looks like micro dosing. I don’t want all the changes that come with the full dosage. This can also be referred to, in some cases, as “fully transitioning”. I don’t like this phrasing myself because it suggests that there is only one way to be trans: all the way or not at all. Micro dosing is just as it sounds, it is a smaller dosage aimed to create less results. It can be taken by personal injection or using gel. This is what I want. I want a slightly deeper voice and I also wouldn’t mind a little more body hair along with the hope that it redistributes some of my body fat and increases my appetite and muscle development. HRT means matching the body I never knew I wanted to match.

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